In reality, friendships are among the trickiest relationships out there. As difficult as it may be to find a romantic partner, it is arguably even more challenging to find a new friend that we can connect to and still keep in touch with our current friends. But that should not stop us from creating new friendships, especially when it is so important to have friends in our lives to keep our social lives healthy and happy!
What do the numbers say about this?
Surveys have found that people in the 1980s have better social lives than us now, even though now we are socializing more than ever. However, the clear difference in our social lives of now and back then is that we now depend too much on the social media to socialize. It is undeniable that virtual friendships aren't as satisfying as direct friendships are. Because of the comfort zone that has been created by the virtual world, most people in their 20s and 30s now admit that they don't know how to make new friends and feel abandoned by their old ones.
Unfortunately, making friends just aren't easy at all. But I'm not saying that it can't be done. For anyone finding it difficult in making new friends and maintaining old friends, here are some tips to guide you in doing so.
Making New Friends
1. Be blind.
Most of us must have heard about blind dates before. If you've just moved into a city, have a friend to set you up with a complete stranger that lives in the same area. Once you're close with him.her, you'll be thankful to your friend for the quick friendship boost in a new environment.
2. Be yourself.
When you pursue your hobbies and activities you enjoy, you will be exposed to meeting people with the same interests in mind. Take that opportunity to build that relationship closer with a person which has same interests with you. So go and get involved in clubs and camps because each event is another chance to make a whole bunch of new like-minded buddies.
3. Be personal.
When you're starting to get to know someone, try to talk about something deeper than just the weather. Once the two of you have disclosed something meaningful, your friendships are surprisingly closer than ever.
4. Be confident.
Set a goal: this may sound too technical, but somehow it works just fine. Try it out the next time you join a party, tell yourself this: "When this party is over, I will walk away with at least 3 new friends." You may not reach the target every time, but you will make new friends from every event you go to and eventually adds up to your list of friends.
5. Be friendly.
Smile! Don't you look this down, but smiling is one of the most important tip you can ever get anywhere. The way you look affects massively on how people communicate with you. Learn to put on a natural smile the next time you talk and you will see the magic.
Keeping The Olds
They were the ones that laughs at you before helping out, that danced in public with you without shame, and heard your cries when your parents punished you. But it all changed when we become "professional". It's easier to create new social circles than maintain the old ones. The tips below will help you in maintaining old friends by being honest, forgiving, and supportive.
1. Understand it.
So John have forgotten your birthday and Mary never made it to your birthday party. As hurtful as their lack of interest might be, try being loose to them. Instead of taking it as if they have turned effortless or uncaring, consider that they might be flooded with family, work, or study responsibilities, and remember that you've probably also been like that too.
2. Virtualize it.
Even though the social media cannot replace real friendships, but it is a great way to strengthen them. Posting a status in your own wall may not have any effect, but posting on your old friend's wall to congratulate them on their recent achievements do make huge differences in tightening your friendship bonds.
3. Schedule it.
By the time we come back from class or work, we may not have any time in our hands to socialize. Set a time and date in the calendar to chat, call, or even Skype with friends who live far away! You'll be glad for not skipping the date.
4. Recall it.
So maybe you have a friend that you spend most of the time in the past bowling with, and have not met for a long time. Rather than meeting up for an awkward cup of coffee, you could meet him/her at the bowling alley to refresh and recall your past memories with what both of you enjoy.
5. Attend it.
Once in a while, plan an experience with your group of old besties! When a friend moves far away, consider saving up some cash to pay a visit and hang out in their new place. Though, you can also give a hint to your fellow friends that your door is always open for visitations too.
The Takeaway
Sometimes it just happens. People grow away from their old friends and gets along with new ones. We can’t help feeling like we’re the only person at the party without a friend. Whatever the circumstance, it’s important not to get discouraged. With enough self-confidence, flexibility, and patience, it’s possible to find friends in almost any situation, and keep them for life.
Have a great day!
-George Yau-
